Lonesome Ghost
by Merickson
Summary: We know Brak and Zorak have recently returned to "Cartoon Planet," but what have Space Ghost and Moltar been up to lately? Here's a brief glimpse. Written in script format because I've forgotten how to write like normal people.


LONESOME GHOST

INT. "COAST TO COAST" SET

The set is quiet and empty for several moments. Suddenly, there is a loud off-screen crash, followed by Space Ghost stumbling into view, almost tripping over himself.

SPACE GHOST  
Hi! Welcome to the show no one watches! I'm your host, the guy no one cares about! Let's say hi to the director of this big pile of nothing. How the hell are ya, Moltar?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CONTROL ROOM

Moltar, as always, stands at his control panel.

MOLTAR  
Um...uh...

SPACE GHOST  
No fun little opening banter tonight, Molt-man?

MOLTAR  
I dunno. Last week's "banter" consisted of you suddenly deciding to scream and punch walls for no reason. Then you said you didn't want to talk to anyone ever again and left.

Space Ghost struggles to keep his balance.

SPACE GHOST  
I know, but I forgive you, because I'm in such a fantastic mood!

MOLTAR  
Uh-huh. Have you been drinking...

SPACE GHOST  
You know I don't drink...

MOLTAR  
...Clorox...

SPACE GHOST  
...alcohol anymore. Haven't you heard the amazing news? They brought "Cartoon Planet" back!

MOLTAR  
Oh, right.

SPACE GHOST  
Brak and Zorak, back on the air! Singing stupid songs and watching old cartoons! Like old times!  
(beat)  
But without me.  
(beat)  
Didn't ask me back.  
(beat)  
Not one single phone call.  
(very long beat)  
Isn't that wonderful?

MOLTAR  
(under his breath)  
Here we go.

SPACE GHOST  
They must know how busy I am with this show, what with it being so popular and all, right? How many viewers do we currently have?

MOLTAR  
Uh, well, there might be some microorganisms in Rock Quadrant 6 that are just sentient enough to mildly feel the vibrations of our signal.

SPACE GHOST  
Wow! We reach all the way out there? It must be the great prime-time slot we have on Cartoon Network, right? We come on right after "Cartoon Planet," right? Because those Atlanta slackjaws have nothing but the utmost reverence for everything I've done for them, right?

MOLTAR  
(sighs)  
Space Ghost, you know we aren't on the channel anymo-

SPACE GHOST  
Must be hard for microorganisms to write fan mail, huh?

MOLTAR  
Are we gonna do the show or what?

SPACE GHOST  
Oh, of course! I'm so sorry!  
(to audience)  
Tonight's guest is Elbert.  
(beat)  
Yep.  
(beat)  
So, Zorak, please play me to - Oh, that's right. He's a bit too busy for my show now! Silly me!

Space Ghost invisos to his desk, grumbling to himself the whole time.

SPACE GHOST  
(clears throat)  
All righty, let's get started! Grease 'em up and throw 'em on the griddle, Mr. M.

The guest monitor lowers. Out of the static appears Elbert, a teenager wearing sunglasses, a clip-on tie, and a cheap business suit.

ELBERT  
Space Ghost! Bubala! Let's do lunch!

SPACE GHOST  
Greetings, citizen! Identify yourself to the microbes!

ELBERT  
Uh, I'm Elbert Wellmeier, and I've been your agent for about a year.

MOLTAR  
(to himself)  
Elbert Wellmeier? Wait a minute...

Moltar opens an Internet browser on his monitor.

SPACE GHOST  
And within the last year, how many jobs have you gotten me?

ELBERT  
Not so many... None.

SPACE GHOST  
And why might that be?

ELBERT  
Well, Spacey, the problem is that calibration limitations have, uh, significantly compromised opportunity scores on the market range scale.

SPACE GHOST  
Yes...I know that.

A long pause.

SPACE GHOST  
What are you going to do about it?

ELBERT  
I will, um...maintain high exposure to diagram demographics for maximum hot-spot target enforcement -

SPACE GHOST  
Uh-huh, no, here's the real plan. We have two options. You can get me a guest spot on "Venture Bros.", or I can introduce your face to the claw end of my favorite hammer. I'm happy to do either, pal, so it's up to you.

ELBERT  
I...well -

MOLTAR  
Space Ghost! That kid isn't a real agent! He's some office assistant at TBS!

SPACE GHOST  
What?

ELBERT  
Don't listen to him, Spacey.

MOLTAR  
Or he was an assistant. He got the boot after he started a forest fire by burning old tapes of "Captain Planet."

ELBERT  
That was an accident!

Space Ghost aims a power band.

SPACE GHOST  
Who are you?

ELBERT  
(sighs)  
I wasn't totally fired. Ted Turner punished me by making me pretend to be your agent to keep you distracted...indefinitely. So you would stop barging into his office and pitching new shows to him.

SPACE GHOST  
"CNN Businesstalk Newszone Live with S.G." would be a hit and he knows it!

ELBERT  
Yeah, well, I guess Ted'll really be mad at me now. Hey, do you need an assistant? I can make coffee faster than -

SPACE GHOST  
Hammerton, I choose you!

Space Ghost hurls a hammer at the guest monitor, smashing the screen.

SPACE GHOST  
Moltar, go to the vending machine and get me a new agent.

Red overhead lights start flashing.

COMPUTER VOICE  
Warning. Power-down is imminent. Repeat, power-down is imminent. Please pay power meter at once.

SPACE GHOST  
Damn it, not again.

Space Ghost leaves his desk, making his way over to what looks like a medieval parking meter.

SPACE GHOST  
Stupid new electric plan.

He fumbles around in his pockets.

SPACE GHOST  
(mockingly)  
"We need to lower the budget. We need to keep costs down." Pfft!  
(sighs)  
Moltar, do you have any change?

Moltar pushes a fast-food bag off of his control panel.

MOLTAR  
Uh, no. I think I lost it all somewhere.

SPACE GHOST  
Argh!

COMPUTER VOICE  
Power-down is imminent. Please pay power meter at once.

SPACE GHOST  
I don't have any money!

Space Ghost punches the meter. The studio becomes dark as all the lights go out.

INT. CONTROL ROOM

Moltar pulls his control lever several times, getting no response from his now-blank monitor.

MOLTAR  
Huh. Well I guess we're done for the day.

Space Ghost invisos in.

SPACE GHOST  
Moltar, we need money. Go find a couch and assault its cushions. I think I need to go sober up. Don't go anywhere.

MOLTAR  
Then how will I find a couch?

SPACE GHOST  
Hmm. Good point. You can work on that after you figure out how to leave this room, since the power is off and all the doors are electronically controlled. See ya!

Space Ghost invisos away.

MOLTAR  
Hey! Wait!

END


End file.
